Fifteen minutes later, Helms comes out. Again. As he approaches the ring, he silently hopes that no one else would interrupt him. Even if they had something to confess. He was genuinely surprised at Jericho's confession, but deep, deep down he knew that the Canadian was hiding something. Call it super hero instinct.
"Citizens of North Carolina, I come back out here again to reveal yet another dastardly villain. While everyone knows that he is a 'bad ass' not everyone knows of his secret talent. No, it's not the way he gives a body- trembling powerbomb - that's just a facade for the real Undertaker. I have met many a men who live in fear of this gentleman and its not at all right. No one should ever have to live in fear, so that is why I bring this footage to you. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you - the American Bad Ass as you've never seen him before!"
As the previous two times before, a short little black and white countdown begins at five and reaches zero, then the video really begins. Instead of Undertaker being show in his locker room, he's in a club. The loud, inane chatter and the clink of glasses together are a dead giveaway as to where he is. It doesn't seem to be any normal club however, as there's a giant stage in the middle of it and behind the stage is a giant screen.
"What a girl wants, what a girl needs, whatever makes me happy and sets me free..." A woman, who looked to be in her early thirties is on stage with a microphone in hand. The screen behind her showed a video and words were scrolling along across the bottom.... it was a karaoke club!
A few moments later, the woman steps down to a thunderous applause. Her fellow peers in the audience obviously thought she had done a marvelous job. A man steps jogs onto the stage next, clapping as well.
"Very, very good job, Samantha! The best I heard all night. Next up, we've got a male participant and he'll be singing, strangely enough, Britney Spears' 'I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman'! I present to you, the man who calls himself.. the Undertaker!" The man applauds again as 'Taker makes his way on-stage. He had his usual biker attire on - bandana, "Deadman, Inc." t-shirt, leather pants. A few people in the audience clap as he grabs the microphone. Most are in too much shock at such a large, threatening looking man singing such a, well.. girly song...
Ignoring the awkward silence, the Dead Man grabs the microphone and without hesitating, begins singing in a little more than out-of-tune voice....
"I used to think
I had the answers to everything.
Mmm, but now I know
that life doesn't always go my way.
Yeah, feels like I'm caught in the middle.
That's when I realize..."
He takes a deep breath before belting out the chorus.
"I'm not a girl.
Not yet a woman.
All I need is time.
A moment that is mine.
While I'm in between..
I'm not a girl."
He goes on to sing the chorus a second time, but by now, the audience has had it. A parade of french fries, empty ketchup bottles, and bread fall onto the stage around his feet. The ones who didn't throw anything, just boo and jeer. The man on the stage, "the Undertaker" was downright awful! His voice was too deep, his accent was too thick, for him to sing a Britney Spears song. To sing any song, actually! He couldn't carry a tune in a wheelbarrow, the majority thought..
"Get off the stage, you loser!" Someone from the crowd shouts. A plastic cup, half-filled with a drink immediately follows. The cup bounces off of 'Taker's head and the liquid spills all over him. Undertaker's immediate reaction is to scowl, but as another cup hits him, it disappears. Instead, his lips become pouty and his eyes watery.
"Y'all are so mean! My lifelong dream has been to sing and once I finally get the courage to do so, I'm booed," he wails, gripping the microphone. "What is wrong with you people?"
"There's nothing wrong with us! There's something wrong with you though. You are obviously delusional about your singing 'skills'! Hell, a cat caught in a garbage disposal would sound better than you!"
The Dead Man has heard about all that he can handle. With tears running down his face, he throws the microphone to the floor and runs offstage, sobbing. That's when the video cuts off.
"So you see folks, the 'American Bad Ass' isn't all that bad, afterall. He's just a tough cookie. A tough shell. Hard on the exterior, soft on the interior. Everyone in the back who lives in fear of 'Taker, I say this to you: fear no more, for he is just like everyone one of us. He's no tougher than you or you-" Hurricane points at several audience members. "He's just a regular guy who just looks extremely tough. Before I go, I must apologize to you, Undertaker, for showing this to everyone. I had to though, for it is my duty. To protect the innocent citizens from the faces of evil.. Lying, deceitful, evil as you are! See you soon, everyone!" Tossing the microphone over his shoulder, Helms leaps out of the ring and runs up the ramp. He had one final video to show, which would most likely be the most disturbing of all...